So I began this blog mainly to share my experiences with God, and to document my growth, and my journey to fulfilling my God-given purpose. And if you have been following me for any amount of time, you would recognize this unplanned hiatus I have been on. It has been about 9 months since I last shared anything. At first, I thought I may just be in a down season in my life where I am not really hearing from God because He is at work in me.
(That may still be true, but..)
Over the past year and a half or probably even longer, I have had to experience some of life’s toughest challenges, and I must say, if not for the grace of God, I don’t know where I would be. But today I want to shed light on something I always thought was past me and everyone around me…DEPRESSION.
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness, and loss of interest, and can interfere with your daily functioning.
The first time anyone mentioned it to me personally was a close friend of mine. She expressed how it felt and all that she was going through, but I truly couldn’t understand or console her as much as she needed. Time went by, and I heard more about this, but it was with celebrities so it was not as close to home. I immediately assumed oh this is a celebrity issue. Until that one day.
This probably started in September, or even mild signs of it started years before that but I didn’t know. In October of 2017, I fell into a deep depression. I didn’t realize it until a friend told me that’s what it was. At that time I didn’t even have the strength to “rebuke” it or pray about it, but I was down! You see, the scariest part was that I only felt it greatly once I entered my apartment and shut the doors, or once I got off the phone and it was just me again. For days, weeks, I had no urge to leave my house or my bed. I was truly unhappy. I found myself crying days unending. I didn’t know what I wanted. It was truly a confusing time. And the most dangerous part was that I was able to hide it from everyone around me, when deep down I was falling daily into an abyss of unhappiness. There was no will to want to keep going. What was my purpose? Why couldn’t I just shake it off like any other mood swing? Questions like these filled my head. Until one day……
You see, with God, it’s always about that One Day, that One Moment, that One Thing. Mine was November 28, 2017. I woke up that morning and something just said “I can’t keep going on like this!”, so I texted my pastor and asked if we could talk.
He immediately called and I found some courage to share all that I’d been experiencing. He prayed for me and with me, checked on me the next couple of days, and sent me prayers. I began to feel a sense of purpose again.
Fast forward months and years later, I’ve had multiple friends share similar stories with me so it’s real!
I don’t share this to get pity but to create an awareness that we must all be mindful of those around us. Don’t just check in like a routine, sometimes break that routine and actually be there to listen, try to get them to talk and let God handle the rest.