……………..Today I just want to keep it all the way 100% with you all……………..
Usually when God lays a post on my heart, i either type it up in my notes on my phone, or open up WordPress and start a draft. On some days, it is just the title of the post, on other days, it is just the Bible scripture that He lays on my heart. But basically it comes in pieces. Some posts stay in my drafts for a while before i finally get new material to add up to it.It works so beautifully like a farmer who harvests his crops into a basket and continually comes to drop off what he has collected, in order to go back and begin harvesting a new basket.
So for a few weeks now, i have had a title for a post, but couldn’t bring myself to complete the material within the post. So i had bits and pieces of what i wanted in this post, but not the full story.(This is how i know i blog as i am lead by God….I blog what He wants me to share, because left to me, i probably would’ve found something to include in the post)
The title was…FORGIVENESS.
When i started this post weeks ago, i got really emotional; because it required me to look deep within myself in order to produce the most honest piece i could come up with. In the process, i realized things within myself that i had been denying for years now. (1Corinthians 2:10But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.) I was able to deal and move on. I was able to recognize things, people and situations in my life that needed forgiveness. In all honesty, I struggle to forgive others when they wrong me, I struggle to forgive myself about my past. Infact during this period, i had a friend, whom i unknowingly harbored unforgiveness towards for a prolonged time, pop up in my life again. It really was a reminder from God for me to fix things(To be truthful, i haven’t fully fixed it, but i am preparing myself to handle it, and i know God is with me)
So this afternoon, in between classes(i had a 2hour break), i picked up a book to read. This book is titled ‘The Power of a Praying Woman’ , very good read. And this is exactly what i read:
Often we don’t recognize the unforgiveness that is in us. We think we are forgiving, but we really aren’t. If we don’t ask God to reveal our unforgiveness to us, we may never get free of the paralyzing grip it has in our lives. A big part of making sure our lives are clean and right before God has to do with forgiving other people. We can never move into all God has for us unless we do…..I know “hate” is a very strong word, and we hate to use the word “hate” about anything. And we certainly hate the thought that we might actually have hate for another person. But that’s what unforgiveness is- the root of hate. When we entertain unforgiving thoughts, they turn to hate inside of us. Jesus felt so strongly about this that He said, “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him”(1 John 3:15). He also said, “Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses”(Mark 11:25)
I was almost in tears after reading just this portion, because i felt naked and ashamed. “This is me!”, I said. It was at that moment that i felt like such a liar. I felt so unclean. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.
I say this because, not only have i thought i had forgiven a person when i really hadn’t, i have gone before God in prayer without forgiving a person i had something against. I have recently(unconsciously) been placed on a pedestal, and i have within a matter of seconds, assumed a significant role in the prayer/spiritual lives of many of my friends around me. They come to me with questions, with struggles, amongst others(which i love being a part of, trust me! I love being that person). So seeing myself in this light, i felt like a liar, mainly because everyone has these expectations of me that makes me feel i need to be a certain way, or do things a certain way…etc. So how am i “leading” people but suffer from such important things. I am human, flesh and blood like everyone else, i make mistakes, i learn from them. I know life as a Christian is not always smooth, and maybe this is my bumpy ride, but i am glad this came to light, and i was able to deal with it and grow from it.
So tonight, if you are currently undergoing some sort of struggle in forgiving yourself and/or others, just pray to God, and confess it to Him. Ask Him to help you forgive and move on with your lives. Ask Him to show you if there are other things/people you need to forgive. It isn’t easy. Sometimes it feels impossible to do. But thats why it is so important. I hope you have been blessed.